Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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