PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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