3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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