my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
