The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize