Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
