a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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