I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
