My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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