Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
