we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
