put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
