last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
