The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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