I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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