I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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