Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
