So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
