I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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