My first STD was from a foam party
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
