The maid of honor just puked.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
