I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
