I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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