her vagine was all disorganized.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
