my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
