She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
