i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize