I wish I could teleport
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
