bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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