Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
