Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
