Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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