your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
