Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
