you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
