somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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