looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
