i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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