You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
