We're like a lot better than the average bears
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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