so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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