come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
