Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
