Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
