Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
