All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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