dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize