I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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