Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
