And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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