I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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