I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
