I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need help removing her.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My bed smells like the plague
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
