you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
