Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
