We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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