Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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