did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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