smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
