I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
