awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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