just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize