Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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