quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
