Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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