i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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