so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
