He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize