I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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