my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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