3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
