Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize