soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
