Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
