I wish I could punch you in the face.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize