i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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