Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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