I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
